csammisrun

Today I set up a Google Alert to tell me when someone talks about shaim. Not two hours later I got the first hit: “There is a chiyuv to speak out against r’shaim.” What?

The Hebrew r’shaim translates to wicked men.

٩๏̯͡๏)۶ - My spoon is too big!

A little while ago I realized something: with but a few exceptions, I rarely pay attention to the TV when I have it on. Most of the time it’s on for the noise factor. Here’s a summary of my TV watching habits:

• Four current shows with regularity: House, Stargate: Atlantis, Metalocalypse, and Battlestar Galactica.
• Something while I’m exercising, a half-hour a day.
• This is a lie, I need to exercise more
• The Weather Channel in the morning.
• Occasionally Adult Swim in the evenings as I’m falling asleep.

The rest of the time, it’s just tuned in to have something going on while I’m reading or programming or doing god knows what else to occupy my evenings.

Why am I paying for this?

Today I canceled my cable TV service, though of course I retained high speed internet - that’s as much a utility as water. It’s saving me around $30/mo. But whatever will I do about my current habits?

• Television networks are getting better and better about making their shows available on the Internet. House, Metalocalypse, and BSG are all confirmed available-within-a-day-of-broadcast. If SG: A isn’t already, I will survive.
• I have plenty of TV episodes on DVD and my computer to watch while I’m exercising, or I could do something drastic and listen to music.
• I hear they have the weather on the Internet these days!
• If I need some noise to fall asleep to, again with the computer.

Recently, my girlfriend has been thinking about getting a cartilage piercing in her ear. She did some research on the topic - as any good librarian does - and found a place in Waldo, MO called Irezumi. It’s evidently rated very highly among tattoo and piercing enthusiasts.

Last night around 9:30, we were sitting around debating what we should do. Bowling? Nah. Pool? We’ve done that recently. We wanted something new. Courtney started looking around online to see what Irezumi’s hours were, in case she wanted to get the piercing sometime soon. Turns out they were open until 11PM Saturday night. I suggested that she could go get it done now, and before either of us knew it we were heading to get a hole poked in her ear.

I don’t know anything about tattoo parlors or piercing establishments in general, but I have to say I was very impressed with Irezumi. The place is very clean, the staff is friendly, and the entire process was inexpensive and very fast. A++++++ would watch someone get needled again.

I made it back from Ames yesterday with my car completely unphased by the trip. This is unprecedented!

Wikipedia takes a lot of flak for being globally editable. It’s worthwhile to take that flak, exchange it for a grain of salt, then peruse Wikipedia at your leisure. That doesn’t mean it can’t ever be right in very bizarre ways.

This afternoon I had a case o’ the hiccups, and after about an hour I went to Wikipedia because I wondered how long I had to go before they were deemed incurable (about five weeks I guess?). Anyway, the article has a subsection called “Medical Treatment”, where I found this little gem:

Digital rectal massage[5] has also been effective in some long-term cases.

“Oh, a fine prank!” says I, “but I do think that fake reference must be funny. I shall click, now let’s see…”

Termination of intractable hiccups with digital rectal massage, courtesy of the Journal of Internal Medicine.

So there it is: the NIH would like you to know that you can cure hiccups by sticking your finger up your ass*. Amaze your friends, break the ice at parties!

* This only works for the person who owns the ass. Sticking your finger up your ass does not cure other people’s hiccups, which is too bad because talk about a great qualification for sainthood.

Last night I took quite a lot of pictures of my fishtank and its inhabitants. The entire set is on Flickr, but I have a couple pictures saved locally for those who do not have access to Flickr at work.

A small colony of zoanthids

The full-tank shot

From the co-respondence of C. B. Sammis, this Fourth day of September, Two Thousand and Eight:

To my colleagues at the Ministry of Gummi Studies:

Those who know me well know of my truest desire in the service of Mankind: the clarification of gummi bear behavior in climes which do not favor their fragile existence. Competing research has come to light from my most dear friend and greatest enemy, A. W. Haasbeck, on the methods and “delightful” consequences of immersing g. bear in libationous spirits. Haasbeck, ever the devious scientician, seeks only to derail the singularity of purpose that our Ministry holds most dear. Future publications under My Own Name will reveal that the genera gummi does not maintain cohesion under sustained application of alcohol (much like A. W. himself!). We know all too well that the Dionysian destruction of our beloved subject is not what we wish to present to the public, who strain ever-closer to hear new developments from our branch of Science.

So that you will not be concerned that this Ministry’s charter concerning the preservation of gummi creatures is anything but alive and well, I send advance notice of my current findings vis-à-vis the hibernation of gummi bears when exposed to the brisk chill of fine sorbets. Note here my cautions in the advance of our understandings! Until the very respectable studies of our colleague R. T. Clemens regarding lactose intolerance in g. worm are completed to the full satisfaction of us all, I do not risk exposing any of the gummi species to milky sherbets or iced-creams. This is the standard of ethics that one can expect from research performed under My Own Name.

Hibernation of g. bear commons under conditions of Lemon Sorbet
Under favorable conditions less pliable than organicii or haribo, this subspecies employs a most ingenious form of defending its small form while exposed to the cold. The observed commons hibernate in a consistency not unlike that of well-crafted bricks! Their addition to the sorbet environment becomes textural, rather than flavorful. Discretion should be employed for those with dental faculties at less than their peak.

Hibernation of g. bear organicii(?) under conditions of Raspberry Sorbet
The variations between the subspecies cannot help but to fascinate even those who have dedicated their life to their study. These bears, labeled organicii based on the Qualities of the establishment in which I observed them, have a vastly different hibernation pattern than commons. The bears employ an unusual defensive mechanism upon entering sorbet-induced hibernation: some breeds became positively distasteful, acquiring through currently unknown means the flavor of licorice. Additionally, it is a most unexpected fact that there was nearly no discernible decrease in the flexibility of their gummi substrates! I expect to have a full description of this phenomenon by the next Continental Meeting of Gelatinous Discovery Institutions.

The Ministry will no doubt question at this time my tentative classification of organicii to the subjects of this study. Further investigation is indeed needed in regard to the specific subspecies of g. bear used in this dessert establishment, and rest assured I will not publish until classification is beyond question - unlike the infamous P.N. Reisting, a man whose unbridled and inflammatory claims led to the founding of this very establishment of Science, I am a researcher in whom trust can be placed.

And here’s my marque to prove it. Gentlemen, I remain:

C. B. Sammis

That’s right, I’m trying this again. This weekend I’ll be making my more or less annual trip to Ames to visit my friends and old coworkers. Historically, this has not worked out well. This time around, however, I will be taking the new Mazda. Let’s see Ames try to kill my car now!

(oh god ames please do not hurt my car)

A few years ago some friends of mine were having a discussion about whether there was an opposite to sublimation: the change of a solid directly to gas, such as dry ice -> CO₂. We were none of us chemists or physicists (me especially) so we bandied about the idea of such words as superlimation and eventually dropped the subject.

Wikipedia has settled the matter for me: the opposite of sublimation is deposition. That was sort of anticlimactic, but could yield some vaguely amusing science fiction: one could use SUPERPOWERS to depose a despot using deposition, turning the poor tyrant into a cloud of vapor, then give a deposition on the subject before a Committee.

Really   vaguely amusing.