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From the co-respondence of C. B. Sammis, this Twenty-Ninth Day of June, Two Thousand and Nine:

To my colleagues at the Ministry of Gummi Studies:

First let it be known that, though the subject of this letter is most lascivious, I do not apologize for writing it. Those who are familiar with the corpus of publications under My Own Name are by necessity also familiar with the purpose of my life’s labors: to catalog thoroughly and without exception the behaviors of g. bear so that the public, yearning to hear of the wonders of our Science, may be edified and enlightened. It is noted among learned men that I do not shy away from any topic which advances the accomplishment of this ideology! This having been said I am sure that my closest friend, the gentleman-bastard A. W. Haasbeck (who is no doubt already in a drunkerous stupor even at this early time of postal delivery), will derive much puerile humor from the contents of my upcoming publication. Gentlemen, I present early notice of my findings so that Mr. Haasbeck’s head may be covered with a sack for some time following the release of this letter. It would not serve the interests of this Ministry to have him capering about and hooting lewdly, a situation which the following discovery is sure to provoke.

Reproductive mechanisms of g. bear haribo
I recently accompanied the lovely C. A. Hansen on an expedition by motorcar to her own Ministry, located in a neighboring state. The purpose of the expedition was to increase and augment Ms. Hansen’s already vast knowledge of her Science, and I found myself wandering the paved streets for hours while this admirable goal was underway.

Immersed in a work of literature, I found myself desirous of a coffeed beverage and so made my way to a store dedicated to the sale of foreign delicacies. The vendor of same, gibbering out of his mind with liberal notions on the nature of payment for services rendered, caused me to redouble my attentions toward the printed word. So vigorous was my reading that I scarcely noticed a collection of cylindrical casings enclosed within a glass container until I had almost passed them. It is indeed fortunate that the zeal of my research into the genera gummi has given me what the layman might call a “sixth sense,” for at the last moment I turned to examine the vessel with all the attention to detail known to exist in my publications.

I could not ascertain at once what lay before me; they appeared as shapeless discs no larger than the eye of a seeing-hound. A swift investigation revealed that the composition of these discs was the same as that of a g. bear species, specifically haribo! I abandoned my reading, paid the vendor for his wares - here I must request that the Ministry promptly investigate the man for Contra-band Sale of gummi, Disreputably Obtained - and sequestered myself and the curios in a private cubicle nearby.

A photo-graph of the unfamiliar discs.

It was not long before I began to consider that the discs represented a prototypical member of the g. bear species. Flustered though I was by the indecent path that my increasingly strong hunches were following and though my writing arm pains me still, I produced from memory a rough sketch of a haribo.

The sketch of haribo, included here for posterity.

Examine the attached sketch, gentlemen, or retrieve a detailed lithograph from the archivists, and see here what I have seen - and do not look away or scrub at your eyes! - see that there are no re-productive ducts as exist in a red blooded beast. As the evidence of our own surveys proves that there are increasingly many members of the g. bear species, I am forced therefore to conclude and report that the mysterious discs are in fact eggs!

Rest assured that I stowed the vulgar drawing and disposed of the eggs before Ms. Hansen returned from her studies, lest her thoughts be made less than pure by the wanton depiction I was obliged to create. Let me forestall the objections of R. Y. Ginns, the government’s Chief Examiner of Gummi Propriety: yes, I was indeed obliged to create the enclosed sketch in pursuit of the truth! The subject of the research may not be the most chaste, but I maintain nothing less than utmost professionalism and exacting precision regarding the studies conducted under My Own Name.

And here’s my marque to prove it. Gentlemen, I remain:

C. B. Sammis